'A NATION THAT EATS LATE, LAYS LATE', THE PRESIDENT'S ADDRESS
On the anniversary of Executive Order No. 1, President Adédoyin restates the doctrine that built her career, her government, and her nickname.
By Presidency Desk, The Coop Times · 2 May 2026
Standing at the trough-side podium at precisely 6:58 a.m., 'two minutes early, because leadership', President Adédoyin 'Mama Decree' Ọlásunkànmí marked the anniversary of Executive Order No. 1 with an address the presidency had billed as 'brief' and the Vice President had asked to extend.
'I did not come from a big nest,' the President told the assembled Republic. 'I came from a straight queue. And I say to every chick listening from under the heat lamp: the queue does not care whose egg you hatched from. It cares where you are standing at seven.'
The address touched on the National Feed Budget ('generous, because morale is infrastructure'), the solar-light consultations ('the sun and the Speaker will be reconciled'), and the opposition's monthly recount demand, which the President said she had come to regard 'as a form of national exercise.'
Breakfast was served at 7:00 exactly. The opposition confirmed the time independently.